Last night one thing came to my mind; after talking to one of my old friend I didn’t see from the university days. I was reflecting some things from my past and this matter just jumped into my head.
In my culture, and as far as I know, the divorce rate is unbelievably high compared to past and some people just shake their heads, how this can be possible.
Well, from my point of view, first thing about all the divorcing is that the pressure of society is far not so big as it used to be. In Europe there used to be a strong influence of Christianity on everyday life and politics and it was shaping all the social life of families, future families and society in common; so something like divorce was extremely frown upon and almost impossible to achieve; and even if the man was treating his woman really badly. As well it was much easier for a man himself to get divorced, than for a woman. Inability to have children, to give son(s), to cheat, to not behave submissive, following and respectful, all those and more used to be a simple reason for a man to get easily divorced, while woman with same problems didn’t have a chance.
Marriages de convenances were more than common it past and it was not anything strange to get married to a person you didn’t almost know. In same cases it lead to very unhappy pairs with all the vicious stuff being done between them; or, in much better case, it lead to certain feelings, I might say love in the couple.
I was reflecting my past, as I already mentioned, and I realized that I can call the relationship with my amazing wife marriage de convenance. When I proposed to her, I certainly had some feelings for her, but I have to say more friendly than passionate love. I agreed and we got engaged, and during time we fell more and more in love with each other, and now I can calmly claim I love her as nobody; and the thing that we didn’t have rose glasses of hormones and all the craziness of a first-sight love, we had time to get to know each other well with all good and bad sides. The feelings grew slowly but surely and now the love is strong; and we avoided a lot of misunderstandings and disappointing caused by putting off the rose glasses.
Funny thing is I am almost ashamed to mention this thing in front of most people of my country because they look on this matter in a very contemptuous way, like I was somebody who spawned from the dark middle ages; to agree to marry a person I do not love (honestly, definition of love changes from person to person, as I found out).
It took long time of getting to know each other and caring about each other, as well for the feelings to grow so strong, that in the end we both were more than surprised what happened. Positively, I gotta say.
On the other hand, I am sure that true love matches can recognize it in the beginnings, marry and live happily ever after. They just have to realize the raw fact that the hormonal storm which happened in the beginning is lower and lower by time and it disappears around second year; so after that they have to put more effort to tolerate each other and face up to reality of totally different kind of love; the more steady, more stable, deeper feeling, but with less passion compared to the amazing first days and weeks and less fever and excitement than they used to feel. Some pairs survive, some not, here is a point where a lot of marriages end up being divorced.
And there’s a point when I can say that if we had more brains put in the relations and less hormones, we will have better divorce rate. A lot of relations end up after short period because they were just over helmed by the whirlwind of crazy feelings and didn’t plan to feel in another way; and they become so shocked by it that they prefer to break up and jump right ahead in another hormonal tornado with another partner for another few weeks… and repeat it so long, till they get disgusted by all relations and claim to be rather single than with partner and that it is just natural to support all our promiscuity and that pairs who survived long and with feelings are just strange; or lying.
This “thing of love” is also supported by all the press, media, books, magazines, all the society; for me it looks like something to substitute the lack of faith in something divine; the more they refuse any religion, faith or believing, the more they believe in the supreme power of love and refuse to admit, that love is not only a feeling which can come by itself, but it is a feeling one has to work on, care about and not just leave to be as it is. It’s not a sure and almighty emotion and one should behave according to this fact. It’s just good to put some effort into living in pair, preparing for later years and counting with inevitable facts, that hormones are just the beginning and true feelings are the end; and it is also important to realize that hormones are not the emotion, not the feeling, they are just an illusion we got from nature and God to keep us pairing to have children and preserve the human race; and the true love comes later and requires the conscious too, besides emotions and heart.
I am not advocating forced marriages or marriages de convenance made by parent while the betrothed couple doesn’t know a simple thing about each other. By all means, this I consider as bad planning and making just few more people on the planet unhappy; with some tiny exceptions.
I am just trying to bring my own view to the world running by me so fast, that they advertise love as the only thing to keep a couple together, while they mean just chemicals produced by body.
Marriage de convenience is not bad, when you feel something for the other half, you know you may love him / her and you both agree to try it out; you can find out that all the previous jumping from one to other was wrong, because you forgot to use your head and think of future; you saw the picture made by your body, not heart, and you just refused to think of the fact, that once you tried to imagine life after twenty years with that partner, you were not able because you really didn’t know him / her, or you did and you knew it won’t work after the hurricane of beginning is gone; but you wanted to enjoy the moment and than go and try it again, with somebody else. And then, with somebody else. And after few years you realized, that you are not getting younger and jumped into a marriage with the next partner you feel that with, and after few years you get divorced, because it didn’t work after all.
In my culture, and as far as I know, the divorce rate is unbelievably high compared to past and some people just shake their heads, how this can be possible.
Well, from my point of view, first thing about all the divorcing is that the pressure of society is far not so big as it used to be. In Europe there used to be a strong influence of Christianity on everyday life and politics and it was shaping all the social life of families, future families and society in common; so something like divorce was extremely frown upon and almost impossible to achieve; and even if the man was treating his woman really badly. As well it was much easier for a man himself to get divorced, than for a woman. Inability to have children, to give son(s), to cheat, to not behave submissive, following and respectful, all those and more used to be a simple reason for a man to get easily divorced, while woman with same problems didn’t have a chance.
Marriages de convenances were more than common it past and it was not anything strange to get married to a person you didn’t almost know. In same cases it lead to very unhappy pairs with all the vicious stuff being done between them; or, in much better case, it lead to certain feelings, I might say love in the couple.
I was reflecting my past, as I already mentioned, and I realized that I can call the relationship with my amazing wife marriage de convenance. When I proposed to her, I certainly had some feelings for her, but I have to say more friendly than passionate love. I agreed and we got engaged, and during time we fell more and more in love with each other, and now I can calmly claim I love her as nobody; and the thing that we didn’t have rose glasses of hormones and all the craziness of a first-sight love, we had time to get to know each other well with all good and bad sides. The feelings grew slowly but surely and now the love is strong; and we avoided a lot of misunderstandings and disappointing caused by putting off the rose glasses.
Funny thing is I am almost ashamed to mention this thing in front of most people of my country because they look on this matter in a very contemptuous way, like I was somebody who spawned from the dark middle ages; to agree to marry a person I do not love (honestly, definition of love changes from person to person, as I found out).
It took long time of getting to know each other and caring about each other, as well for the feelings to grow so strong, that in the end we both were more than surprised what happened. Positively, I gotta say.
On the other hand, I am sure that true love matches can recognize it in the beginnings, marry and live happily ever after. They just have to realize the raw fact that the hormonal storm which happened in the beginning is lower and lower by time and it disappears around second year; so after that they have to put more effort to tolerate each other and face up to reality of totally different kind of love; the more steady, more stable, deeper feeling, but with less passion compared to the amazing first days and weeks and less fever and excitement than they used to feel. Some pairs survive, some not, here is a point where a lot of marriages end up being divorced.
And there’s a point when I can say that if we had more brains put in the relations and less hormones, we will have better divorce rate. A lot of relations end up after short period because they were just over helmed by the whirlwind of crazy feelings and didn’t plan to feel in another way; and they become so shocked by it that they prefer to break up and jump right ahead in another hormonal tornado with another partner for another few weeks… and repeat it so long, till they get disgusted by all relations and claim to be rather single than with partner and that it is just natural to support all our promiscuity and that pairs who survived long and with feelings are just strange; or lying.
This “thing of love” is also supported by all the press, media, books, magazines, all the society; for me it looks like something to substitute the lack of faith in something divine; the more they refuse any religion, faith or believing, the more they believe in the supreme power of love and refuse to admit, that love is not only a feeling which can come by itself, but it is a feeling one has to work on, care about and not just leave to be as it is. It’s not a sure and almighty emotion and one should behave according to this fact. It’s just good to put some effort into living in pair, preparing for later years and counting with inevitable facts, that hormones are just the beginning and true feelings are the end; and it is also important to realize that hormones are not the emotion, not the feeling, they are just an illusion we got from nature and God to keep us pairing to have children and preserve the human race; and the true love comes later and requires the conscious too, besides emotions and heart.
I am not advocating forced marriages or marriages de convenance made by parent while the betrothed couple doesn’t know a simple thing about each other. By all means, this I consider as bad planning and making just few more people on the planet unhappy; with some tiny exceptions.
I am just trying to bring my own view to the world running by me so fast, that they advertise love as the only thing to keep a couple together, while they mean just chemicals produced by body.
Marriage de convenience is not bad, when you feel something for the other half, you know you may love him / her and you both agree to try it out; you can find out that all the previous jumping from one to other was wrong, because you forgot to use your head and think of future; you saw the picture made by your body, not heart, and you just refused to think of the fact, that once you tried to imagine life after twenty years with that partner, you were not able because you really didn’t know him / her, or you did and you knew it won’t work after the hurricane of beginning is gone; but you wanted to enjoy the moment and than go and try it again, with somebody else. And then, with somebody else. And after few years you realized, that you are not getting younger and jumped into a marriage with the next partner you feel that with, and after few years you get divorced, because it didn’t work after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment